Taking care of....

Sometimes you just got to say you don't now what you want.
And thats how i truly feel.I don't know what i want with this guy.One moment everything is all fine and the next second i want to yell at him. It seems he nows what to, but he just aint doing or doing it half hearty.
Example:
Him --baby you want to go to a couple retreat; Its in December, in the Poconos, and it seems decent price?
Me --Sure just give me the date so i can clear my schedule and make sure everything is okay.
Him-- Sure as soon as I get off the phone.
Weeks past and nothing. Sometimes i wonder if he truly wants to be with me other times I feel like i don't care, and that what bother me the most. I feel like i have become content with him, and then on the other hand I feel like nobody else knows me better. I have express feeling to him that no one else has known. I don't keep anything from him and he knows all my dirty little secrets. Which I have to admit is a big one up, I feel like no matter how crazy I get he will always be by my side to hold my hand and guide me through the darkness that might shadow over my life.
However, the other part of me feels that IF I ever decide to end things things might get ugly and we might not speak to each other for months or years like last time. I can't even phathom the thought of him being with another woman. It feels like a dragger being plunge through my chest. I cant understand why he makes me feel this why: love,hate, love, hate, love...
   If he ever decides to get serious and pay me all the attention that I desire and need. I can see myself changing and only loving one man until I take my last breathe but until then I am unsure about who is suppose to be my soulmate.