What time is it?... Oh Hell no

Okay readers what time is just to late for an "unexpected" visitor to come to your place of resident. 

Personal I feel like anything past 8 is pushing it. I say 8 only because I am at the house alone with my daughter most of the time. And I have to get her ready and off to bed, and pack lunch,etc. 

Now the reason I ask is because an ex of mine decided to come to my house at 11 o'clock @ night. First off I aint talking to the guy. Second off I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him. He rang my door bell and call my phone repeatedly. I guess if people dont take you serious then you have to show them yourself..... And thats another story to tell well at least til tomorrow

Sometimes you just got to say you don't now what you want.
And thats how i truly feel.I don't know what i want with this guy.One moment everything is all fine and the next second i want to yell at him. It seems he nows what to, but he just aint doing or doing it half hearty.
Example:
Him --baby you want to go to a couple retreat; Its in December, in the Poconos, and it seems decent price?
Me --Sure just give me the date so i can clear my schedule and make sure everything is okay.
Him-- Sure as soon as I get off the phone.
Weeks past and nothing. Sometimes i wonder if he truly wants to be with me other times I feel like i don't care, and that what bother me the most. I feel like i have become content with him, and then on the other hand I feel like nobody else knows me better. I have express feeling to him that no one else has known. I don't keep anything from him and he knows all my dirty little secrets. Which I have to admit is a big one up, I feel like no matter how crazy I get he will always be by my side to hold my hand and guide me through the darkness that might shadow over my life.
However, the other part of me feels that IF I ever decide to end things things might get ugly and we might not speak to each other for months or years like last time. I can't even phathom the thought of him being with another woman. It feels like a dragger being plunge through my chest. I cant understand why he makes me feel this why: love,hate, love, hate, love...
   If he ever decides to get serious and pay me all the attention that I desire and need. I can see myself changing and only loving one man until I take my last breathe but until then I am unsure about who is suppose to be my soulmate.

So things are getting complicated

With this relationship hitting the 8 month mark. I am trying to figure out what i really want. He seems like the perfect guy for me: we like the same things and want the same same things he is loving and caring and a great father figure to my daughter. So why is it i am feeling like i don't want to be with him at times and I think I figure it out.

I don't want to have anymore kids. Ones enough I know that he wants to have at least one more. However, I just want to spoil my daughter and his son. I think it can work out perfectly just the way it is. In addition, if things don't work out I don't want to raise another child by myself. I mean i know he is going to be around  but he doesn't have a career. He works but nothing that I consider that would be long term or where he can grow from it. I must admit I know what I like. And I have plans in the next 3 years to better myself and get off of other people helping me.

From an non relationship stand point i look at him and see nothing. I mean everyone has ruff stops in their lives but we are suppose to grow and learn from it. It just seems that he is in the same spot as two years ago, and that is not in the finical stable that i would suspect a man his age to be in, I mean I know I can change him in that area but yesh. Sometimes I feel like i will have to sign a prenuptial if we ever got marry. Well, i shouldn't say that i feel like i would have to sign one with anybody I get married too.

And that brings me to another point I also feel like I don't want to get married. The thought of being tied down to another man for the rest of my life, and unbelievable. I KNOW how man are, and i know how i am and i don't think there is a man on earth that can handle me. I'm wild and I do admit that enough is never enough in my head.